Rebecca Parrott, Tim Malcolm, Tom Brooks
On this week’s 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days recap, things started off with a good old-fashioned street brawl. Michael Ilesanmi was targeted by scammers who tried to stop and tow his car. Luckily Angela Deem grabbed her crotch and sprung to the rescue lit cig in hand. Tim Malcolm finally came clean to Jeniffer, and took a stiff one to the face. A drink that is. Caesar Mack finds out why Maria’s flight got cancelled. And Darcey Silva keeps her eye on the prize (If you consider Tom Brooks a prize).
Let’s get down to the good stuff on 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days Season 3 Episode 6 “Secret, Secret, I’ve Got a Secret.”
Tim Malcolm Finally Comes Clean on 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days
Tim Malcolm has been hinting for weeks now that he has a big secret to reveal to Jeniffer. Tim’s secret could blow up the relationship with the hot-headed Latina. The internet has gone wild with speculation over the manicured metro sexual. Theories range from him being born a woman, to being bisexual and/or the love child of the Grinch and an unnamed Kardashian sister. But the secret was far more boring. It seems this isn’t Tim’s first dip in the Colombian dating pool. He has an ex from Bogota.
On 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days, we pick up with the couple the morning after their girls night in. Tim offers to cook breakfast and serves up some bland eggs. Jeniffer’s a tad confused about why he hasn’t even tried to kiss her. He blabs on about wanting to go up in levels and progress physically. Jeniffer says she wants him to conquer her. Which makes him so uncomfortable he almost chokes on his scrambled eggs.
90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days: Jeniffer Tosses A Drink in Tim’s Face
On 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days, an uncomfortable Tim Malcolm steers the conversation away from sex to something he feels more comfortable with: planning his outfit for the day. Jeniffer informs him that they will be meeting her grandparents. She lives with them, and they are very protective. Especially her grandfather. They sit down to lunch and her grandfather asks his intentions. Again he rambles on. They ask how he likes Colombia. He says it’s his favorite country and this is his fifth time there.
When asked why he was there five times he says he was visiting friends. But Jeniffer’s radar is up and she knows he’s hiding something. And later Tim just happens to get a random text from his Colombian ex. Tim and Jeniffer head to dinner and Tim is sweating bullets. He knows he has to come clean. For her sake and that of 90 Day Fiance fans worldwide. So he spits it out. His ex was Colombian. They lived together for 2 years. Yada ,yada, yada. But it’s over. Except for that text. Which Jeniffer demands to see.
On 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days, Tim hands over the phone. And foolishly, Tim never changed the name on the contact. It has her as Mami. This pushes the high strung Jeniffer over the edge and she promptly throws a beer in his face and makes a dramatic exit worthy of any Telenovela. Tim pats the beer off his de-puffed face and wonders what the hell to do now.
90 Day Fiance: Angela’s Tired Of Michael’s Lies
Angela Deem is kicking butt and taking names within minutes of arriving in Nigeria on 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days. Her and Michael Illesanmi are leaving the airport and some men try to take their car saying it was parked illegally.
Angela show TLC cameras and the world that you don’t mess with a rural Georgia girl. Angela fights beside Michael and lands a few blows on the men. Airport security arrives just in the nick of time… to save the scammers. Angela is turned on by the brawl and can’t wait to get Michael back to the hotel room and out of his pants. Hasn’t Michael suffered enough that day?
Angela gets busy with handcuffs, Trump underwear, and chocolate body paint. It’s super fun to use those three things in the same sentence. The randy Georgia gal is proud of Michael and says his balls have finally dropped. But there will soon be trouble in the paradise that is the glorious Lagos Travel Inn.
Michael Gets Near a Girl and a Boat
On 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days, it seems no amount of chocolate sex goo or presidential skivvies can soothe Angela’s jealousy. She’s still angry that Michael took the birthday money she sent and went to the bar. Come on. Isn’t that what we all do when Grandma sends us cash? Michael wants to have a belated celebration with her by going on a boat ride at the beach. They head out with plenty of Marlboro’s and fried chicken for the ride.
But Angela is determined to ruin everything for Michael on 90 Day Fiance. So she starts questioning him about everything from his Instagram to the last time he was on a boat. Michael chomps on a drumstick and says when he was little. Angela calls him out. She’s got receipts! He posted a picture on Instagram on a boat recently. And there is a group of people way in the background, not with Michael, but one of them is a girl. Angela flips her lid that Michael let a female get within 50 feet of him.
Angela shoves Michael and tells him to get his own hotel. She’s done with him for good. Ain’t nobody got time for this. Michael you screwed up. Should’ve let them tow the car with her in it.
Darcey Silva’s Got Her Eye On The Prize on 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days
Just when you think things can get any more cringey than Michael licking Angela’s face, we have the morning after Darcey and Tom’s first night of sex. Darcey has tried everything to get the mop headed Brit to give it up, and after some begging and Cabernet he finally caved. Tom is rather proud of himself and says he performed like a “battery bunny”. He also sports a nasty ankle injury and blames it on their “vigorous love making”. Darcey tends to the ankle and even kisses it. It didn’t look like she wanted to, but Tom made her do it anyway.
On 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days, Tom and Darcey window shop. Darcey spots diamonds and starts throwing marriage hints, again. If there was a drinking game where you had to take a drink every-time Darcey dropped a wedding hint, everyone would be passed out before the show ended.
Will Tom Brooks Propose to Darcey?
Tom straight up tells Darcey he won’t be getting on one knee anytime soon on 90 Day Fiance. “It’s just window shopping.” he says. This of course won’t stop the desperate diva. Later Darcey squeezes herself into some sort of Latex high-waisted pant and a too small bustier. Her left boob is crying out for help as it tries to escape.
They head to a club to party with Tom’s ex Roucelle and another female friend. Who no one will remember because every single person watching is too busy trying to figure out what the hell is going on with Roucelle’s face? She makes Darcey look normal. Which isn’t easy to do. And she’s got her doubts about Tom’s feelings for Darcey. And she’s right as he can’t look her in the eye and says he loves Darcey, who is in the bathroom practicing saying “hi, I’m Mrs. Darcey Brooks.”
Ben Needs To Get Out!
On 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days Ben finds himself in the scary real life sequel to the movie “Get Out”. Forced to abandon the Airbnb and stay with Akinyi’s brother Fidel, things are pretty damn awkward. TLC treats unsuspecting viewers to Ben taking a shower. It seems Benjamin has no shortage of body hair especially on his back. Which Akinyi seems obsessed with. That and his whiteness, as she likes to keep pointing it out.
There will be a family dinner where Ben will meet the parents. If his Dad doesn’t like the nerdy divorcee’ then he has to go. Akinyi spells out the rules. Don’t speak – Don’t wink – And don’t touch me or act like you even know me. Sit to the left of Fidel. Eat fish brains and act like you like them dammit. And whatever you do don’t breathe. Ben agrees and Akinyi points out how white and hairy he is for the 70th time.
On 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days a nervous Ben gets enters Akinyi’s house. Her mom is sprawled out on the couch and Fidel sits like a pit bull ready to pounce. Akinyi’s dad is a no-show. He calls and says he’ll be late. But we all know he’s not coming. Ben is served up fish brain and made to eat it while Fidel watches and asks him if it’s soft. In the end Fidel says something rude that Akinyi won’t repeat.
Zied Hakimi’s Mom’s Not a Fan of Rebecca Parrott on 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days
The first thing Rebecca Parrott does when she gets to Zied Hakimi’s family home is knock over and break a priceless heirloom. Rebecca is like a tattooed bull in a China shop. Things don’t really get any better. Zied’s folks put the “old” in old school. So they really aren’t too keen that their only son is starring in her mid-life crisis. His dad thinks the tattoos should be removed. And his mom suggests they cut her hands off. Who knew Mother Zied possessed a sharp wit under all those cloth layers.
On 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days a delicious looking home cooked meal is served for Rebecca and Zied. His father asks if Rebecca has ever tried couscous before. Because Rebecca never misses a chance to bring up her ex she says she did in Morocco. Which of course leads to the question of why were you in Morocco. And Zied calmly explains that she was married to a Moroccan. But the hookah loving hipster doesn’t know she still is married.
Later, Zied talks with his mom while helping her do laundry. Rebecca creeps in Zied’s bedroom and snoops through his things confirming that she is mentally stuck in middle school for life. Mother Zied isn’t a fan. And says so in no uncertain terms. No language barrier can hide how she feels. She wants him with a younger Tunisian woman. But Zied points out if he marries her he can move to the United States. And says lots of Tunisians are doing it. Just look at Mohammed Jbali.
Omar Albakkour and Teri Mills Strike a Dowry Deal – She Asks if She’s “Selling” Her Daughter Avery Mills
On 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days, Omar Albakkour is about to marry All-American girl turned Muslim Avery Mills tomorrow. Her mom Teri who’s all sass and no class has come with her to attend the wedding. The highlights of Teri’s trip include finding a Hardees in Beirut and downing a Long Island Iced Tea. Everything else has just annoyed the piss out of her. With the most annoying thing being Omar. With eggplant being second.
Omar takes Teri out alone to discuss the dowry. Teri goes into every conversation with a smirk and a half-baked insult at the ready. He tries to explain that the dowry is something he will pay to her which will be used to support her in the case of divorce. Teri wants to know if she’s straight up just selling her daughter. Omar tries to hide his disdain for his future mother-in-law. But it’s hard. She names a price of 10 grand. He balks a little. She wants to know what his sister’s got. The oldest got 6 grand. So Teri says that’s a good number.
They discuss what’s going to happen after the wedding. Teri wants to be sure he’s not taking her to some other country. Especially his own. As the whole world has turned on Syria she points out. He says the decision will be up to him and Avery. Not her or his parents. Teri says she’ll fight tooth and nail to keep that from happening. Something tells me Teri needs a Long Island Iced Tea or three right about now.
Caesar Mack Comes Up Short on 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days
Caesar Mack has talked to Ukrainian bot Maria for 5 years. And sending all his money to her along the way. In exchange for some pouty pics and gravel voiced videos calling him baby and my husband. Now he’s drinking with strangers in a Cancun resort waiting to hear from her. She hasn’t responded to him in 4 days. He thinks she’s on a plane now on her way there. Even drunken resort revelers tell him he’s crazy.
On 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days an eager Caesar sits in his room surrounded by edible underwear, champagne, chocolate covered strawberries and delusion. As he gets ready to leave for the airport he gets a text from Maria saying the flight was cancelled. With a screen shot of said cancellation. Producers ask whether he thinks she cancelled it.
Why Maria Didn’t Get On The Flight
Caesar calls up the airline and gets told by the overly friendly customer service agent that the flight was never even bought, because he had insufficient funds in his account. Can things honestly get any worse for Caesar? Sitting on a hotel bed strewn with sleazy sex candy in sensible white tennis shoes, single tear running down your cheek and being told you’re even more broke than you thought you were. I think not.
Till next time, You can catch 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days Sunday nights at 8 on TLC.